Away
by Zeprithy
Summary: After Ayano's death, gossip, rumours and false sympathies spread like wildfire. When girls who had never even spoken to Ayano were claiming to have been her best friends, it was only inevitable that Shintaro was going to snap. [Oneshot]


"I heard it was because she was bullied."

"What? No way!"

"It's true. That was why she always used to stay behind after school."

_No, it wasn't._

"What, to avoid the bullies?"

"Yeah."

_You're wrong._

"But she was always so nice to everyone- I mean, she even talked to Kisaragi."

"Maybe it was because her family was poor?"

"Huh? I didn't know she was poor."

"Maybe she jumped because she felt bad about being a burden on her family's finances."

_She was never a burden._

"That's so awful- if only she had said something! She was always so quiet about herself."

_Shut up._

"I was practically her best friend, she could have told me anything."

_You never even talked to her._

"No, no, it's not your fault. None of us could have done anything. Once someone decides to do that, there's no changing their mind. You know how it is."

"How awful…"

_Don't you dare pretend to care about her._

"I bet if I had talked to her more, I could have helped her. It's my fault she's dead."

"Don't say that."

"It's true, though! I bet she had low self-esteem or something- those people always do. What's that phrase- you know, 'the saddest people always smile the brightest'? That's it, right?"

_Shut up._

"Yeah. She was so beautiful, too. Such an angel."

"She had really lovely hair. I was always jealous of it. Remember? It was that really deep black colour-"

Shintaro didn't realise he had stood up until every head in the class was turned towards him. His clenched fists trembled on the desk, the splintered lead of his mechanical pencil clasped inside them and stabbing into his skin. _Sit down, _he told himself, _it's not worth it._

But he had never been very good at listening to what his mind told him to do, after all.

"Her hair was brown." When the girls' blank faces just blinked up at him, along with everyone else in the room, Shintaro exhaled shakily. With a great effort, he unclenched his fists. "Ayano's hair wasn't black. It was brown. It was- it _is _really dark brown."

Most of them just looked even more confused at that. But, sure enough, one of the girls managed to get it, her eyes rolling in reaction."Whatever," she said. "Black, brown- does it really matter? I was just saying it was pretty. Why would you even remember stuff like that?"

"How can you sit there and pretend to have been her best friend when you don't even remember something like her hair colour?" The words bubbled from his throat like hot syrup. He tried to stop himself, but now he had started to speak it was all coming out, every little thought he had when he heard those girls parroting on about 'how beautiful and lovely she was'. _Liars, liars, liars. _"You're all just treating her like some sort of thing. You sit there and cry and buy flowers and pretend you cared about her, but where were you when she was alive!? None of you ever talked to her before; you all just pretend to care about her now because she's the newest gossip- because everyone's talking about her- because she's- because she's dead!"

The sound of his voice breaking on the last word echoed through the classroom.

_Dead. _

Opposite him, the girl who had replied before stood up. Her face had began to flush. "Shut up," she hissed, body trembling. "You don't know anything, Kisaragi. You think you're so great because you're the smartest in the school, but I'm not going to sit here while you say I'm not allowed to mourn my classmate. If you're such a great friend to Ayano, where were you when she jumped off the roof? For all your big talk, you barely even talked to her! She really liked you, you know, but you never even talked to her. I saw it."

_Shut up, shut up, don't you think I know that already? _But even with all his 100% marks in Japanese, no words came to his mouth. He just stared at the girl in silence as her eyes started to gleam with unshed tears.

"You think you're so clever," she went on, "but what good were all your marks when Ayano decided she wanted to die?"

Another girl joined in, her voice still squeaking with the nervousness of someone who didn't know whether they should be speaking or not. "Yeah, Kisaragi, if you were close to her you should know why she did it.

"Did she tell you about it?"

"Was she bullied?"

"Did she have an eating disorder?"

The classroom erupted into indignant chaos, with questions and jeers being yelled from every side. They weren't even directed at Shintaro anymore; people shouted for the sake of shouting, for the sake of their voice being added to the dead girl's legacy. But Shintaro felt every question like bullets to his temple, and, as the comments became more and more morbid, he almost wished they were.

"Hey, did anyone see her jump? Was it messy?"

"I bet someone pushed her off."

"Did she jump off because of some breakup?"

"Eh? I thought she liked Kisaragi-"

"SHUT UP!"

In the wake of his scream, the chaos of the classroom dissipated.

As his hands went up to grab fistfuls of his hair, the splinters of pencil lead fell from Shintaro's skin and pattered onto the desk. "I don't know…" _It's my fault. "_I don't know…" _I should have talked to her. _"I don't know…" _I'm sorry._ "I don't know anything, okay!?"

For all their chatter a few seconds ago, his classmates had nothing to say as Shintaro dug his fingernails into his scalp and collapsed into his seat. _It hurts. _He let out a shaky laugh and rubbed his eyes on the palm of his hands. Then, his body moving without him really being in it, Shintaro grabbed the strap of his bag and slung it over his shoulder before pushing himself out of his chair.

As he reached the back of the room, feeling the heat of every one of his classmates on his back, he yanked the door open. "Where are you going?" someone called out.

"Away from all of you."

The door slammed shut, and the classroom was left in silence.


End file.
